"You Do You, You Be You"

Hey Guys, 

So, I guess I did my usual thing of disappearing from the internet, well at least this little part of it! But here I am at 1AM writing a little reflective post for you all. 

I have seen so many memes going around facebook about how terrible 2016 has been for a lot of people and so many people agreeing with them and saying how they can't wait for 2017 to start. However from my opinion 2016 has been just like every other. There have been ups and downs, sure, but its what you make of those ups and downs and what comes out of that, that makes your year better. 

I'm not saying I'm any better off than anyone else, yes I am part of a country that voted to leave the EU, did I agree with it? No. But as a country, we have made our bed and now we have to sleep in it. there could be a whole other post about the politics of it all but I feel that would just start an argument so I am just going to leave it at that, What I am trying to, and undoubtedly failing to say is you just have to face what comes at you. and look to it with positivity. 

The year started out terribly with a few failed attempts at feeble relationships and Barely passing through the first year of uni, but then I turned over a new leaf, I met my amazingly supportive boyfriend,  I decided my degree was the most important thing to me and that 90% of my time and energy would be focussed on bettering myself and learning from the previous years mistakes (of course I keep 9.5% of my time for my boyfriend and 0.5% for work need to earn a bit of money after all). 

I conquered my anxieties and flew 4723 miles to Canada on my own (I realise I could have chosen somewhere closer to home but it was what I felt most comfortable with, knowing there was someone waiting for me the other end, a place to stay, people I knew and could talk to) It definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone. those of you who know me, know I am not the most talkative or outgoing person, I'm the girl that would rather hide at the back of the class so that the teacher wouldn't pick on me, Doing this forced me to talk to people, it pushed me to my limits and I came out better for it. 

I even got a tattoo as a little reminder to myself that I can do anything, I don't need to let my mental health hold me back. Yes, I still have bad days where I'd rather not move from the comfort and reassurance of my bed, feeling sick to my stomach with nerves, but that's all par of the cause, I will have those days but I get up and get on with it because I know I'm strong enough that I can conquer anything. 

Now I'm a third of the way through my second year, struggling but doing ok, keeping my head above water and staying up to date. I've just celebrated 6 months with my boyfriend and I feel like I am finally in a positive place, in the right place, and that's where I belong. 

I know this one was a deep one, but I can't wait to see what the next year brings. 

what's your experience with 2016 so far? 

Love,

B

xxx

Post Canada: The Up and The Downs and Everything In-Between

Hey there! 

So, I know that this post has been long awaited but as always life got in the way and I ended up doing other things, as opposed to writing this post. Here I am now sitting down laptop keyboard at the ready, writing. 

As I am writing this it is exactly 3 weeks and 5 days since I landed back in London from Canada, and honestly it was one of the best trips I have ever been on. 

My chance to get away from everything, to relax and destress, and above all else, visit some amazing people. 

So, let's start with the flights! in total, I was up in the air for approximately 11 hours. It was definitely a very long flight, but well worth it. 

I was definitely feeling some anxiety towards it, leaving my parents at the airport, and the impending layover in Vancouver, but all of that anxiety was overshadowed by the thought of going to one of my favourite places in the world. 

I am used to the safety net of my parents, especially when travelling, with my mum sat next to me, my dad paying for everything and mum looking after all the important documents. 

This time, it was all down to me. I had to look after my own passport and tickets. Make sure I made it to the gate on time without delay, and to board my flight when called. That full 9 hours' was definitely not fun having no one to talk to, however on my second flight which was kind of a bit scary, there was a kind guy about my age that could maybe sense my apprehension, because he kept the conversation going, talking about England, why he was back in Canada and telling me about the area I was going to! I wish I knew his name, we were so caught up in getting off the plane and finding our families that we never said goodbye and I didn't get to thank him!

My first week there was a very quiet one. I was getting over my JetLag, Relaxing and also just having fun with someone of the kids. We took one of the girls to swimming every morning and then to the bakery to get a doughnut or a cookie, whatever sweet treat we fancied that day :). 

By Saturday I was over my JetLag we woke up relatively early and went up to the Kelowna craft and farmers market, It has been raining most of the morning so most vendors had given up and surrendered to the elements  but there were still a few people there, it was nice to just browse the stalls before moving on to our final destination! the little town of Merrit. 

We were there visiting some more cousins, picking up a few bits and heading home. 

That night we had planned to go to the drive in, but as we got there the 'Sold Out' signs appeared, so instead we ended up at the good old Tim Hortons "drowning our sorrows" in hot chocolate and doughnuts... Yes, I seem to have eaten a lot of Doughnuts this holiday haha!  

On Sunday we slept in a bit before we got in the car and drove up to Revelstoke, to do this new attraction called the pipe! The Pipe is this mountain coaster that you have to get in a gondola to reach the top, then  you come back to the bottom. the whole ride takes about 6 minutes, it's terrifying and fun but worth giving it a try, putting those nerves aside and taking that leap of faith, you should always try and do something new and scary because 90% of the time, its worth it. 

Despite all the fun I had hanging out with family, playing with puppies and just getting away from life in general, it was soon back to reality. I could write so much more, but I have already waffled on so much. 

The final thing I will say is that saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I feel I have ever had to do, even now thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. 

Going on this trip was the best thing I could have done, I learnt my limits, I learnt who I am and most of all, I learnt that my Anxiety doesn't hold me back anymore. Yes, it will always be a part of me but My life is an open road and I can handle anything.

All My Love, 

B xxx

A Few Days to Go...

Hey Guys, 

Wow! Time really does fly huh? 

I cannot believe it was nearly 5 months ago, I posted my first blog post about going to Canada, and as I am writing this, it is literally 2 days till I go!

So, I thought I would write a little post about how I am feeling with it being so close to going, and the things I am looking forward to most! 

It seems so surreal that in just 48 hours I will be in Canada, a place that in a strange way has always kind of felt like home. 

On Monday (4th July) it will be 3 years since we last went! That's Crazy! 

The older I get, the more I am wondering where the heck these days are going! So, with that, I am realising I need to make the most of every day, to live without regrets and also most importantly, Be Happy! 

I am mostly looking forward to experiencing this adventure, without the rest of my family, it will be a new experience for me and will also test my boundaries in ways they have never been pushed before! 

An 11-hour flight, with a layover that I have never done before, is definitely a daunting prospect, but it also one that I am looking forward to and I am ready to face it head on. 

3 years ago I would have never been able to do anything like this, so I am proud to say I am going to do it! 

So, I say, do something that scares you!  If you don't, you will regret it

and take every opportunity you can. 

Until Next Time! 

Love, 

B xxxxx

An Adventure of a Lifetime

Things happen, we can't change that. 

For a long while now i've just wanted to escape, for me, my escape is Canada, its family, its being off the grid for a while.

This weekend, with the help of my lovely cousins, I decided that I was going to do something that scares me. 

Yes I have anxiety, so doing this literally terrifies me, it puts me out of my comfort zone. But its what I want to do. 

This July I am going to be planning a trip to Canada to stay with my family there. On my own. 

An 11 hour flight with a change, something I have never done before, and it will just be me. 

I am looking forward to it, I am in a place financially where I can afford to go and I am in a position where I can stay with family so I won't be alone for long. 

It will be a great opportunity for me and I plan to document the entire thing for you guys cause its my first trip I've ever done alone and I can't wait to embark on the planning and travelling. I also want to be able to document how I am feeling how my anxiety is holding up and the adventures I will get up to! 

Love Always, 

B xxx

Yesterdays World

Old things  have always interested me.

I look through all the things I have collected of my 18 years and all I see is happy memories. 

On one of my parents clear outs of things that they didn't want any more, I found this:

This is a old insert from a Canadian Broadsheet news paper called The Globe and Mail printed in September 1988. 

the main basis of this insert is about film reviews theres for Dead Ringer, and there are articles about Sigourney Weaver, and also tells you all the films that were playing in the cinemas at the time, ( I think this was back when they couldn't go online to read it) 

My mum kept this from her first trip with my dad to Canada as a kind of memento from their trip, 

and here she was about to throw it away but it interested me. I liked how old it looked, and I was also interested to read it (I think the only part I've actually read all of is the comics) 

It was put in a draw and forgotten about until last night. I was going through my draws trying to find something and i found it, tucked away with some photo albums. 

I'll confess I have been struggling to find something to write about on here for a little while, which is why I've skipped a few weeks here and there. So, when I found this old paper I instantly thought this is what I want to write about.

Many of you know I have a connection with Canada that makes me want to be there all the time. I will be going about my day/ week/ year normally but there is always a part of me that wishes I was there. 

The sense of place and belonging I had when I last went there was phenomenal something I had never felt before, although thats probably because in just a few short days I knew we would be with family, family we hadn't seen in a long while. 

This Newspaper is definitely showing its age but thats just what old things do,

they age with time, but that just makes them more precious and worth hanging on to. 

Do you have anywhere that you feel you have a sense of place in? 

let me know in the comments I would be interested to hear your thoughts! 

Love, 

B xxxxx