Being the Girlfriend of a Go Kart Racer

Where do I start...

I have been dating this guy for the last year, who once a month, every month, is down at the go kart track racing, getting his pent up anger and frustration out in a safe and sporting way, just like every sportsman does. He knows he can go out there on that Sunday of the month and leave it out there and come away from it a new man as it were. 

Like any sport it has its highs and its lows and everything in between, I love being there to support him (and I wouldn't forgive myself if he got hurt and I wasn't there). I love him and I have to support him with this despite how scary and dangerous it can be sometimes. 

We enjoy the wins and we learn from the unfortunate events to, mechanical issues are always a funny one! especially watching them work away trying to fix one problem to find out it was something else entirely. He isn't part of a big team like most, some aren't as fortunate to spend thousands every weekend, its just him and his dad, on the odd weekend every months. 

Crashes happen sometimes and when it happens in his race my heart stops, thinking for just a split second it might be him until I see him come round that corner, sometimes crashes aren't as preventable as you might think, someone might have hit you causing a chain reaction, you just don't know whats happened in that moment, but you get the people who are too involved who are in it to win it and have temper tantrums when someone beats them, or they get taken out under circumstances out of any ones control, who ruin it for everyone. 

Just last month there was a huge crash, tempers were flaring because it was a hot day and thing happened... drinks and buckets of water were thrown, blame was passed to one person and the affects are still being felt in the build up to this coming race. It is horrifying watching someone go through that, someone you are close to, there is something known around the karting world called "Race and Respect" (i have linked for anyone who want to read.) but this is only really known at the tracks that operate under licence, for the ones that don't... it's a different story, people don't show self control, they don't show good sportsmanship, they only show that they are a sore looser, who will do anything to take the one person who can beat them out despite what the outcome of this might be and only look out for number 1. 

I dont know if anyone reading this is part of the karting world but please think before you act you dont always know the full story. Just think how would you like it if that was you being targetted or if it was your partner/ son/ husband? you probably wouldn't, so why should you cause it to someone else because you dont like how things have turned out?

I will just say the track that the crash i mentioned happened at, delt with it accordingly at the time and was informed of everything that happened after the race finished. So there is no fault on their behalf. 

Race and Respect. 

love always, 

B xx

I know I havent written in a while and this is a bit of a weird topic for me to write about but I had to get my thoughts down and emotions out to process, thank you for reading! 

"You Do You, You Be You"

Hey Guys, 

So, I guess I did my usual thing of disappearing from the internet, well at least this little part of it! But here I am at 1AM writing a little reflective post for you all. 

I have seen so many memes going around facebook about how terrible 2016 has been for a lot of people and so many people agreeing with them and saying how they can't wait for 2017 to start. However from my opinion 2016 has been just like every other. There have been ups and downs, sure, but its what you make of those ups and downs and what comes out of that, that makes your year better. 

I'm not saying I'm any better off than anyone else, yes I am part of a country that voted to leave the EU, did I agree with it? No. But as a country, we have made our bed and now we have to sleep in it. there could be a whole other post about the politics of it all but I feel that would just start an argument so I am just going to leave it at that, What I am trying to, and undoubtedly failing to say is you just have to face what comes at you. and look to it with positivity. 

The year started out terribly with a few failed attempts at feeble relationships and Barely passing through the first year of uni, but then I turned over a new leaf, I met my amazingly supportive boyfriend,  I decided my degree was the most important thing to me and that 90% of my time and energy would be focussed on bettering myself and learning from the previous years mistakes (of course I keep 9.5% of my time for my boyfriend and 0.5% for work need to earn a bit of money after all). 

I conquered my anxieties and flew 4723 miles to Canada on my own (I realise I could have chosen somewhere closer to home but it was what I felt most comfortable with, knowing there was someone waiting for me the other end, a place to stay, people I knew and could talk to) It definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone. those of you who know me, know I am not the most talkative or outgoing person, I'm the girl that would rather hide at the back of the class so that the teacher wouldn't pick on me, Doing this forced me to talk to people, it pushed me to my limits and I came out better for it. 

I even got a tattoo as a little reminder to myself that I can do anything, I don't need to let my mental health hold me back. Yes, I still have bad days where I'd rather not move from the comfort and reassurance of my bed, feeling sick to my stomach with nerves, but that's all par of the cause, I will have those days but I get up and get on with it because I know I'm strong enough that I can conquer anything. 

Now I'm a third of the way through my second year, struggling but doing ok, keeping my head above water and staying up to date. I've just celebrated 6 months with my boyfriend and I feel like I am finally in a positive place, in the right place, and that's where I belong. 

I know this one was a deep one, but I can't wait to see what the next year brings. 

what's your experience with 2016 so far? 

Love,

B

xxx

Post Canada: The Up and The Downs and Everything In-Between

Hey there! 

So, I know that this post has been long awaited but as always life got in the way and I ended up doing other things, as opposed to writing this post. Here I am now sitting down laptop keyboard at the ready, writing. 

As I am writing this it is exactly 3 weeks and 5 days since I landed back in London from Canada, and honestly it was one of the best trips I have ever been on. 

My chance to get away from everything, to relax and destress, and above all else, visit some amazing people. 

So, let's start with the flights! in total, I was up in the air for approximately 11 hours. It was definitely a very long flight, but well worth it. 

I was definitely feeling some anxiety towards it, leaving my parents at the airport, and the impending layover in Vancouver, but all of that anxiety was overshadowed by the thought of going to one of my favourite places in the world. 

I am used to the safety net of my parents, especially when travelling, with my mum sat next to me, my dad paying for everything and mum looking after all the important documents. 

This time, it was all down to me. I had to look after my own passport and tickets. Make sure I made it to the gate on time without delay, and to board my flight when called. That full 9 hours' was definitely not fun having no one to talk to, however on my second flight which was kind of a bit scary, there was a kind guy about my age that could maybe sense my apprehension, because he kept the conversation going, talking about England, why he was back in Canada and telling me about the area I was going to! I wish I knew his name, we were so caught up in getting off the plane and finding our families that we never said goodbye and I didn't get to thank him!

My first week there was a very quiet one. I was getting over my JetLag, Relaxing and also just having fun with someone of the kids. We took one of the girls to swimming every morning and then to the bakery to get a doughnut or a cookie, whatever sweet treat we fancied that day :). 

By Saturday I was over my JetLag we woke up relatively early and went up to the Kelowna craft and farmers market, It has been raining most of the morning so most vendors had given up and surrendered to the elements  but there were still a few people there, it was nice to just browse the stalls before moving on to our final destination! the little town of Merrit. 

We were there visiting some more cousins, picking up a few bits and heading home. 

That night we had planned to go to the drive in, but as we got there the 'Sold Out' signs appeared, so instead we ended up at the good old Tim Hortons "drowning our sorrows" in hot chocolate and doughnuts... Yes, I seem to have eaten a lot of Doughnuts this holiday haha!  

On Sunday we slept in a bit before we got in the car and drove up to Revelstoke, to do this new attraction called the pipe! The Pipe is this mountain coaster that you have to get in a gondola to reach the top, then  you come back to the bottom. the whole ride takes about 6 minutes, it's terrifying and fun but worth giving it a try, putting those nerves aside and taking that leap of faith, you should always try and do something new and scary because 90% of the time, its worth it. 

Despite all the fun I had hanging out with family, playing with puppies and just getting away from life in general, it was soon back to reality. I could write so much more, but I have already waffled on so much. 

The final thing I will say is that saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I feel I have ever had to do, even now thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. 

Going on this trip was the best thing I could have done, I learnt my limits, I learnt who I am and most of all, I learnt that my Anxiety doesn't hold me back anymore. Yes, it will always be a part of me but My life is an open road and I can handle anything.

All My Love, 

B xxx

A Few Days to Go...

Hey Guys, 

Wow! Time really does fly huh? 

I cannot believe it was nearly 5 months ago, I posted my first blog post about going to Canada, and as I am writing this, it is literally 2 days till I go!

So, I thought I would write a little post about how I am feeling with it being so close to going, and the things I am looking forward to most! 

It seems so surreal that in just 48 hours I will be in Canada, a place that in a strange way has always kind of felt like home. 

On Monday (4th July) it will be 3 years since we last went! That's Crazy! 

The older I get, the more I am wondering where the heck these days are going! So, with that, I am realising I need to make the most of every day, to live without regrets and also most importantly, Be Happy! 

I am mostly looking forward to experiencing this adventure, without the rest of my family, it will be a new experience for me and will also test my boundaries in ways they have never been pushed before! 

An 11-hour flight, with a layover that I have never done before, is definitely a daunting prospect, but it also one that I am looking forward to and I am ready to face it head on. 

3 years ago I would have never been able to do anything like this, so I am proud to say I am going to do it! 

So, I say, do something that scares you!  If you don't, you will regret it

and take every opportunity you can. 

Until Next Time! 

Love, 

B xxxxx

Is It Ok?

Hey Guys, 

So, this is going to be a serious post. 

For some reason, People, mainly men think its ok to show "affection" to strangers they don't know.
In the past it has happened to me where I have been honked at or whistled at or even had people say stuff to me that they probably wouldn't say to a man.
Personally I find it very demeaning, and intimidating, it makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin, which is something that I have never experienced, and never want to experience again.
It makes me question "what makes them think it's ok?". Because doing that to a woman on the street who they don't know, is wrong.

I did research into this 'honking at women' debate and found an article from The Guardian newspaper that says "the men who ask you what the big deal is about street harassment, say they'd love it if it happened to them, or suggest you just "take it as a compliment". It's not a simple, one-moment experience. It's a horribly drawn-out affair. The process of scanning the street as you walk; the constant alert tension; the moment of revelation and the sinking feeling as you realise what is going to happen." gives an insight into how women some women feel when they are subjected to sexual harassment on the street over and over again.

From my research into sexual harassment on the street I found another blog called Literally Darling (linked), written by a woman who goes into lengthy detail accounting various instances of sexual harassment that happen to her and her friend and how it makes her feel but I will let you read for yourself. 

On a website called consented.ca that I stumbled upon in my searching around the internet I found this statement that I believe to be very true "The idea that women should be flattered by this behavior is offensive because it is not up to society to decide what an individual, let alone an entire gender, should find flattering. Sure, some women might find this flattering, but yelling at a woman across the street or from inside a car doesn’t allow space for her to accept or reject the attention. In other words, there is no consent."  proving that it just isn't right that such things like this happen. 

Real flattery is a behavior that is humanizing and requires actual communication with a person, not a random sexual comment thrown at a person by a stranger.

My message to the guys that do this, is please don't. You don't know what that woman has been through, you don't know her history, she could have had a really bad home life, or have low self esteem issues. Its a form of harassment and it is not ok.

So again I ask,
What makes you think it's ok?

Thank You for Reading!
Love,
Becca xx

University Part 2

Hey guys! 

So, after I posted university part 1 I fully intended to post a part 2 a week later. 

However I got swept up with university life and found it hard to keep on with my blog and getting my assignments done! 

What can I say, 7 Weeks later  and my fears and anxieties are gone. With commuting to Norwich I found it quite hard having got be up at 6:00 every morning just to be in for lectures starting at 9:00 it was physically draining especially with my recent increase in hours at work. i was getting to the point where something was going to have to give. 

I can say now that after the first week i was only having to be in for 9:00 twice a week which made it so much more bearable! and being in work for 7:30 on a Saturday became easier and easier, it is really all about adapting your sleep patterns and your body getting accustomed to the early starts ( it helped that I do drink a lot of coffee!!!!)

I have made so many new friends, that my mum calls "my own kind" which i find quite funny, I am really enjoying my course and I am learning a lot! 

However when we go into workshops we get given a number and told to go stand with the other people that have that number, this is quite a downside when you get split up from the friends you've made an effort to make! 

Despite this it hasn't put me off going into uni, the lecturers and really good and passionate about the subject but they are also willing to help if you need it. I was really struggling at first, I didn't know how to use my camera in manual mode and I also didn't have a clue about the lighting equipment, this was only because the equipment at my old school was very minimal and we barely got to use it. I was like a fish out of water. It was good to make friends that were in the same position as me. 

By far, the best part about my University if our Friday morning lectures, yes it is an early morning one, however each week is a different guest lecturer, some are students that have graduated in previous years and others and fully fledged photographers that have had a long career! It makes me excited to continue with the course and get somewhere. 

The people on my course are all so lovely, we all get along with everyone which makes it so much easier when we get split up into groups. Like today for example, none of my friends were in my workshop because of other things going on and we got split into groups for our lighting workshop (Disclaimer: I had worked with the people in my group before) and the rest of my group helped to put the equipment up ( something I'm still getting my head around) and we just had fun with what we were doing, I haven't laughed that much in  a long while. 

For anyone that is worried about starting university in September ( I know its less that a year away but still!) I would say don't be, it is one of the best experiences you could have, everyone else is in the same position as you, and there is always help available if you need it. I have always been quite a shy reserved person but I found just going up to people on your course and saying "Hi" is one of the best things you can do! 

And just remember, Be you, there is no one else better. 

Love, 

Becca xx

P.s. If you want to read my photography blog i have put together for my course the link is:

rebeccaedwardsphotography.blogspot.co.uk

Once In A Lifetime

Hello :)

So, today I thought I would write about something that was a HUGE! achievement for me...

2 nights ago [Sunday 6th September] I was invited, last minute, to go see The Foo Fighters at the Milton Keynes Bowl.

So of course I said yes not wanting to pass up such an opportunity by the time we got there my anxieties had started to build, over thinking every little detail, which i soon forgot because we were some of the first 2,000 people there meaning we got purple wrist bands allowing us access to the 'inner pit' which is a cornered off area next to the stage. Now if you think about it, The National bowl at milton keynes hold 65,000 people and it was a sold out concert, to be in that 2,000 is incredible! 

photo credit: google images

Just as the immense size of the crowd dawned on me, and my anxiety started to build a band called 'Royal Blood' came on and suddenly all that worrying and anxiety left. and i was able to enjoy the spectacular going on in front of me. 

Royal Blood was shortly followed by Iggy Pop! he definitely left me questioning what on earth I had just watched, He certainly puts on quite a show for a 68 year old! And some of the things he was doing made me think 'Why am I still watching this?'

When The Foo Fighters finally came on they put on an epic performance!  Every single person there was fully engrossed in what was happening on the stage, they were going crazy... Mosh Pits were breaking out left right and centre... one happened right in front of me about four times and I can honestly say it is the most terrifying and exciting thing to experience. Fully Grown body flying at you from all directions... even though I was on the side lines. 

By the time the Foo Fighters ended i was ready to sit down, we had been standing in place like sardines for about 8 hours, but it was well worth it! 

I can honestly say i am proud of myself! Proud that I was able to go and not have a panic attack... that is something that I would have never been able to do 2 years ago. Before I got help. 

I suppose this just goes to show that things can get better! 

Love, 

Becca